Author: leelamjourney
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Who Am I? The Reality of Rediscovering Yourself
Throughout our lives, we take on a number of roles, many of which we are not even aware of. Some we only play every now and then; others we never completely shed. Here’s a list of the typical type of roles women may play at any one time: mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter,…
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Guilt can be a Cause or an Effect
The reason it can be hard to identify guilt is that it can be a cause or an effect. You can feel guilty because of something that happened to you, or that you did to other people. We tend to want the world to be linear – to be logical and consistent and rational –…
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Lack of guilt is as destructive as too much
What we are seeing more and more in the world are people who are guiltless about their actions. I talk about living unapologetically, but not saying sorry doesn’t mean we do not have to own the consequences of our actions. Unapologetically means to live by your rules, and taking on the ownership of the consequences…
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Monica, Guilt, Shame
Monica Lewinsky shares a powerful message around the proliferation of shaming online, and the ability of the social groups around you to either make you or break you. I focus on getting rid of guilt because I firmly believe that shame can only take hold when it resonates with something that you feel inside – others…
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I’m done with being someone I’m not …
It’s so frustrating to look in the mirror and see someone who has been created by others – who looks like you but is racked with indecision and anxiety that they are not enough, that they are not right or perfect, and that they will not be accepted by others. Then you wake up one…
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Domestic Violence Victims Need Support, Not Judgement
Every year, there are lots of posts on Facebook and Twitter regarding the increase in domestic violence during World Cup and England matches, which brings some much needed visibility to a usually hidden issue. There is always so much judgment around why people stay in violent relationships, which makes it far harder for those at…
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Narcissists and Guilt
Really interesting article on narcissists. One of the prime tools they use is guilt – you were supposed to be there for me, and you weren’t, you made a promise that you broke – and it’s highly compelling to anyone who wants to believe the best of others. Many of my clients are in or…
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It’s Not Them, It’s You …
Always listen to the guilt that gets brought from within and you will know the difference – the internal voice inside that tells you that you are better than the actions you’ve just done, and tells you to take action as soon as possible to correct your course and get realigned – that’s your positive…
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Feel, and Deal with Guilt
Guilt is just an emotion – it is telling you that something in your world needs looking at, because it is not working in line with the kind of person you want to be. Find out what that is, understand what you would like to do instead – and bingo, guilt gone.That then frees you up…
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Love Without Judgement/ Live Without Fear
It’s really easy to judge others for the decisions they make – and it’s super easy to judge others for who they are. Neither of which we have the right to do. The decision to come out is a choice that is so extremely personal and can have huge amounts of guilt associated with it…
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Peace Doesn’t happen When We Are All The Same
These are rough times right now – there are lots of ways that we can be divided and sorted into groups (many not of our choosing) and it is during this time that it is easy to fall back into wanting to comply and fit in, to be part of the crowd again. But a…
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I’m Not Angry, I’m Just … Disappointed
Have you heard this before? It is guilt trip 101 – frame the guilt as an emotion that places blame and responsibility on the person it is directed to. Why does it work? Because we fear disconnection. We fear being isolated and cast out – and people being disappointed with us hints as lack of…
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With The Best of Intentions …
When you have a cause that is close to your heart, you can be passionate about helping people see your point of view. Whether it is politics, society, health, wealth, animals … however worthy what you have to say is, if you wrap it in guilt-inducing, passive aggressive statements or judgments, you will not win…
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Stand In Your Power
The most powerful thing about living guilt free is being able to control your responses to the world around you. When you are constantly listening to others for their opinions on your life, there is a sense that you have to respond or defend yourself all of the time. This keeps you on their terms,…
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What FaceApp can tell us about guilt
Ah, FaceApp. You have been having a great time, getting everyone on social media to see what they will look like when they get older. I mean, at one point, literally my entire feed was everyone ‘having fun’ and being joyful of how they look. Does this mean the end of all anti-ageing treatments, cosmetics,…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Neela Prabhu
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-gkzyk-d214e5 Neela Prabhu is the owner of Homeopathic Harmony, and has had a remarkable journey through mental health challenges, family dynamics and forging her own path in the world. She is a true example of living guilt free and in this episode, she breaks it down into the steps she herself uses to keep making…
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The Guilt of Eating Disorders – Guilt Free Friday Interview with Kerry Manning
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-d5fjz-cf2073 *Trigger warning: This episode is an interview with a sufferer of an eating disorder. We go through details of her particular challenges and some may find it triggering or distressing so please exercise caution when listening. If you or someone you know struggles with the relationship with food, please look at the links below…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Katie Brockhurst
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-qte5e-cc267e One of my favourite episodes, as I get to speak with Katie Brockhurst, Social Media Angel and author of Social Media for a New Age and Social Media For A New Age: A Digital Self-Care Guide: Book 2: The next phase: 2020 and beyond and we get to talk about all things related to social media and guilt.…
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Introduction to the Guilt Free Friday Interview Series
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ags3q-cc2523 We all know what guilt feels like, but not necessarily how it feels in particular situations. This interview series is designed to tackle situations and circumstances that explain how guilt plays a part and how to overcome it. I’d like to thank all of my guests for being so open and honest, and I…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Sophie Eastop-Scopes
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-6yu4k-bc2b80 The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt. In this episode, virtual assistant Sophie Eastop-Scopes talks to me about her parental guilt surrounding her difficult labour and birth, the impact that had on her bonding with her son, and the way guilt has affected…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Shalini Bhalla-Lucas
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-fbs8d-bc29e6 The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt. In this episode, motivational speaker and author Shalini Bhalla-Lucas tells me her story of finding her soul mate, losing and then reconnecting with her family and dealing with the grief of losing both her husband and…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Samantha Houghton
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-v8baa-bc29a7 The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt. In this episode, author and ghost writer Samantha Houghton discusses her guilt connected to her son’s anxiety, and how parental guilt carries on far beyond their formative years. Bio Intuitive Ghostwriter, inspirational book mentor and award…
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The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Janet Groom
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-4ki36-bc28fa The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt. In this episode, author Janet Groom explains her struggles with infertility and how guilt shaped much of her own self worth and value. Bio Janet Groom is an Author and Book Coach. She has published…
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Don’t Dismiss Your Guilt Because Others Experience More
We all love a powerful personal story. There are many incredibly inspirational people out there who share some of the hardest and traumatic times of their lives, to help understand the lessons they got from those experiences. And it is true that it can be really valuable to see that others have got through adversity…
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Don’t Allow Guilt To Obscure the Difference Between Fact and Opinion When It Comes To Body Management
Yesterday I saw people taking photos of these adverts on the London Underground and I was interested in why they would do it. I understand that the previous time such a campaign was launched there was a huge backlash saying that it was fat shaming and subsequently they took them down. I think it is…
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When A Guilt Trip Becomes Dangerous – Domestic Violence Abuse
Domestic violence affected around 2 million people in the UK in 2018 (according to the ONS) and this number does not include all of those who are experiencing it but not reporting it. The fastest way for attackers to discharge the guilt they feel over their actions is to blame the victim, to paint a…
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When Sharing Your Life Gives Power To Others
Social media tells us that we need to be more social by telling the world our every thought. Scrolling through newsfeeds you are given insights and glimpses into the minutiae of people’s lives, so they become familiar, friendly faces and you become invested in every moment of their lives – which they will happily share…
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Pride and Prejudice
It’s Pride month and there are so many truly incredible inspirational stories of people embracing who they are after years of suppressing it to please others, and allies who will be there when others fall be the wayside. Unfortunately, there is also an increase in those who see it as their role to condemn and…
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Taking Away Forgiveness Can Cause Guilt To Turn Destructive
This week, radio presenter Danny Baker has been fired by the BBC for tweeting a picture in response to the news of the Royal baby that has been considered by many as racist. (The BBC article is here). Given that this is the first multi-racial child born within the Royal Family, it was clear that…
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Taking My Own Advice
There are times when I have a lot of internal self talk. It keeps telling me that I’m not pushing hard enough, that I’m dragging my heels, that I just can’t ‘want it’ badly enough. I’ve tried using the techniques in my book – because if they don’t work for me, how can I possibly…
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A thought for the weekend ..
Who you are is up to you and no-one else. If you feel that you are having to justify yourself to others, to explain why you think the way you do, and it feels that the explanation is met with judgement, you are giving too much power to the wrong person. Know who you are…
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Be A Rebel – Live Life Your Way
Jameela Jamilhas been all over my social media feed recently with her stance on the judgements that are handed out to women and girls over how they conduct their lives. She has taken quite a firm stance on calling out those who profit from our insecurities and I fear that now she spends more of…
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Recognising Guilt is Not The End of The Story But The Beginning
I speak to a lot of people about my work and there seems to be a fairly common misconception that working with me is about focusing on how guilty you feel. I get it – my topic is guilt, my book is about guilt and I use guilt in every sentence. But my work is…
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I wasn’t seeking excellence as a perfectionist. I was seeking it because I was imperfect.
If you have read my book Journey Through The Guilt Trip, you know that in my 20s, I had a nervous breakdown, trying to meet expectations that I thought would make others accept me and like me more. I strove to be the best I could, and always said that I was competing against myself…
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How Do You Deal With Advice And Feeling Guilty For Not Following It?
How do you use advice given by others, without triggering guilt?That might sound easy – if you are asking for people’s advice on a problem you are having, it doesn’t seem logical to think that this will create any guilt – surely the two are mutually exclusive? Not necessarily. When you ask for the opinion or…
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Stop Saying Sorry
I am one of those people. Those people who apologise. And then apologise for apologising. And apologise for apologising for apologising (you get the drift). There is a spiral that you can sometimes get into that has guilt at its heart. You do something wrong and over apologise, to the point where you then feel…
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Difference Between Feeling Guilty and Feeling Accountable
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-bgv5y-a8cbdd I use the word unapologetic to describe living guilt free but this comes with a huge disclaimer – you still have to be able to own the consequences of your actions. In this episode, I discuss the difference between feeling guilty and feeling accountable and offer three useful tips on how to tell the…
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Using Social Media for Mental Health Support
TRIGGER WARNING – REFERENCES SELF HARM. This week has been heartbreaking. I follow a lot of people on Twitter who suffer from various forms of anxiety, depression or mental fragility. One of those people self harms and during one such episode, posted a picture of their wounds up on the social media platform. They was…
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Guilt Trip – I Can’t Afford …
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ytwyn-a83e38 Advertising works by telling us we need to buy their product or service – but do we really? When money is tight, you can feel guilty for not being gable to give into impulse buys, but that might be a blessing in disguise. In this episode, we talk through what you need – what…
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Three Biggest Reasons Why We Feel Guilty
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-t5pn5-a83d6e Sometimes spotting guilt is as simple as watching the words you are using. In this podcast episode, I go through the three words that are the biggest flags for feeling guilty.
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How To Go To Bed Happy
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-h59gk-a6fc05 Start your day in a good mood, finish it the same way! It is really important to put the day into perspective, but you have to do it consciously first. The tips included in this episode will help you find a way to live intentionally.
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Guilt and Why Boundaries Matter
When you let other people determine your choices, whether consciously or not, you are effectively giving away your power to them, as you are letting them decide what your right and wrong choices are. When you overstep those decisions, you feel guilty. The reason you may not argue or resist this is because to get…
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How To Start The Day Happy
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-jzw3y-a695d8 It can feel like life happens to you, but you have more control over your mood than you might realise. Here are three tips on how to start your day happy and ready to be joyful. www.journeythroughtheguilttrip.co.uk
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Three Ways To Stop Feeling Guilty About How You Spend Your Time
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-rkgmm-a68290 If you can’t get going on the things that matter, do they really matter? This episode, taken from my Facebook Lives, discusses the use of your time and how it can indicate to you your true priorities and desires.
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The Difference Between Time And Priorities
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-fwrxr-a6824b Guilt can strike when you feel that you are not prioritising your time, or giving time to your priorities. But making the distinction between both is the key to losing the guilt.
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The Difference Between Abstinence and Punishment, and the risk of Dry January
Somewhere, someone on your social media feeds, at work, or in your family is doing a month long challenge such as Dry January, restricting their consumption or use of something in the name of charity, or just to prove they can. I love the idea that people want to take action to help others, and…
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Guilt Within Relationships – Compromise Not Compliance
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-n8wiq-a66ad6 In the Cinderella story, the wicked stepmother tries to appear quite generous, but ultimately holds Cinderella back. What has that got to do with your relationship? Find out in this podcast using this story as a different kind of cautionary tale
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Three Tips For Finding Time For Self Care
https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-r8i9d-a6687d If you don’t consider yourself important, other people don’t either. And looking after yourself is a key component of showing the world that you are ready to make your mark. You can’t shine if your energy is low, so here are three tips for helping you get some me time without losing time.
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Do You Really Need To Get Involved?
Before you decide that someone needs to hear your opinion on their life, ask what you get out of giving it – unsolicited ‘advice’ can be a veiled attempt to make them feel guilty and get them to play by your rules. Wait for them to ask you before delivering judgement.
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Guilt and Passive Aggressive Behaviour – If You Say So
Making you feel guilty doesn’t always happen (in fact, hardly ever) as angry tirades of abuse. Its effect is achieved mostly in those small offhand comments, designed to make you question your view of your actions, to make you doubt yourself. Think of the times when others have been able to adapt your behaviour and…
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Does There Have To Be A Word For Everything?
The English language has a particular quirk to it, in that – in comparison with other languages – it tends to have far more nuance and subtlety to it. There is not just one word for things like ‘good’, but dozens. Each one gives a slightly different flavour to the sentences, and it makes us…
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What If ‘Political Correctness’ and Guilt Trips Are The Same Thing?
I promise that this is not a political post, even though trying to avoid being seen as political is incredibly difficult these days! But I wanted to suggest a different approach to what tends to make both sides of an argument froth at the mouth, whether we are discussing political decisions or social ones, such…
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January – Done!
New Year, New You – but what’s the point of that if you are letting somebody else tell you what the New You should look like?! I’ve been watching social media over the last few weeks and since Christmas Day itself, it’s been all about how to be a better person, how to grow, how…
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Let’s Talk About Anxiety and Guilt
Anxiety is a diverse condition – it doesn’t care who you are, what you do, and how you do it. It will come after you and drag you down, and it can feel that there is nothing that you can do about it. Many of the clients I work with come initially because they have…
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#MeToo and Guilt
The #MeToomovement and the more recent #WhyDidntIReport is an important illustration of what happens when you refuse to feel guilty any more. First up, I want to differentiate between guilt and shame. For many victims, the shame of suffering abuse of any kind never fully goes away as it creates a mark on your self identity (Brene Brown…
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Are You Done With Being Someone You’re Not?
It’s so frustrating to look in the mirror and see someone who has been created by others – who looks like you but is racked with indecision and anxiety that they are not enough, that they are not right or perfect, and that they will not be accepted by others. Then you wake up one…
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Be Gentle With Yourself
You instinctively know how to calm a frightened child or animal down, by getting down to its level, by moving slowly and gently, and talking calmly and quietly. You have to recognise that when you live with guilt, that guilt may very well present itself the same as a frightened child, as you can feel…
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“Help Me Accept That Which I Cannot Change” – Er, No!
“Help me accept that which I cannot change” This is part of the serenity prayer that is fairly commonly shared on social media – this idea that we have to accept those things in our lives that we have no control over and so cannot let ourselves stress over it. Whilst I agree with the…
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New Parent? Use Your Village Wisely
As a new parent, you will no doubt want to get advice and guidance from your support network of friends, family, as well as medical experts and professionals. This is normal as you want the absolute best for your child. However, much of the guidance that you get will disagree and yet you will be…
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How Many Roles Are You Playing?
Every single person you interact with is a role you play. Every single one. Let that sink in for a minute – if asked about the roles you play, you may have chosen a handful – mother/father, son/daughter, husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend, lover, grandchild. That’s normal because these may be the most important roles we play…
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It’s Not Me, It’s You
When you show your authentic self and start to live guilt free, you may trigger some negative emotions in others. These have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. As we hear truth, we cannot help but hold a mirror up to our own version of life that we are living…
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Prove It To Yourself Not Others … But ….
Not all guilt is blatant – some of it comes as doubt, criticism, pointed questions saying “are you sure you should be doing that?”, leaving your mind to fill in the guilty blanks. While I’m not an advocate of doing something to prove yourself to others (you are the only person who needs to know…
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Make It Your Decision
A lot of guilt stems from making a decision that is best for you, but you know others will have a different opinion. Whether it is the choice to breastfeed, taking a new job, starting a new workout regime (or not), moving to a new town or simply your choice of outfit that day, other…
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When’s Your Guilt Trip Time?
When do you experience the most guilt? Is it during the day as you go through your daily activities, always half aware of everything that you are not doing? Or maybe at night, as the house gets quiet and you are alone with your thoughts? For me, the most guilt-ridden time for me was the…
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Know Your Tribe
We are social animals, we need connection – but guilt can sometimes makes us feel isolated and alone. Who are your go-to people, those who you feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of, so that you can understand that others feel what you feel and you can collectively solve it for one another.
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Choose Your Own Worth
There are times when we get so focused on what others want us to be, that we forget that we get to determine our value and why we are important, leaving it to others to tell us. But we are all important for so many different unique reasons, and nobody can tell us who we…
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Feel the Guilt – And Do It Anyway
Living guilt free isn’t about ignoring or avoiding guilt – we can’t control when others try to make us feel bad, or when we find ourselves not living life the way we want.Living guilt free is about seeing the guilt, recognising it, pulling it apart, taking the bits that matter and then discarding the rest.…
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