I’m Not Angry, I’m Just … Disappointed

Have you heard this before? It is guilt trip 101 – frame the guilt as an emotion that places blame and responsibility on the person it is directed to. Why does it work? Because we fear disconnection. We fear being isolated and cast out – and people being disappointed with us hints as lack of trust, or lack of belief in us. Our need to please others and keep them happy with us makes us take action and make choices against our own self interest.

You are never a disappointment for being you.

With The Best of Intentions …

When you have a cause that is close to your heart, you can be passionate about helping people see your point of view. Whether it is politics, society, health, wealth, animals … however worthy what you have to say is, if you wrap it in guilt-inducing, passive aggressive statements or judgments, you will not win your argument. Instead, you will alienate those whose minds you want to change. 

I know how difficult it is to get the balance right and how emotionally draining it can be to care about something so much but that others seem to easily ignore – but screaming louder isn’t a good use of your energy. Make it easier and gentler for people to come along with you, which is far more successful than having them there because they feel guilty.

Stand In Your Power

The most powerful thing about living guilt free is being able to control your responses to the world around you.

When you are constantly listening to others for their opinions on your life, there is a sense that you have to respond or defend yourself all of the time. This keeps you on their terms, in their corner. Don’t let them.

If someone throws an accusation at you, your instinct will be to try to defend yourself, or crack a joke or to react with something. The most powerful response you can give is to stand in your own power. accept their right to have an opinion, but accept your right to not give a damn. 

“That is your opinion but I’m happy with what I am” is the most effective and powerful ways to live guilt free. The way you live your life won’t gel with everyone else’s viewpoints – but why would that matter? You have to live your life, not them.

What FaceApp can tell us about guilt

Ah, FaceApp. You have been having a great time, getting everyone on social media to see what they will look like when they get older. I mean, at one point, literally my entire feed was everyone ‘having fun’ and being joyful of how they look.

Does this mean the end of all anti-ageing treatments, cosmetics, surgery? After all, it’s fun to see yourself getting old, isn’t it?

I happen to think it really is. So many people don’t get to be old, and yet advertisers spend a fortune with guilt trips, telling people that once they are old they are past it, no longer useful, no longer beautiful and they need products and treatments to be acceptable to the rest of us. Rubbish. You living a full, happy, purposeful life, being human and kind and generous and giving? We think you are amazing.

If you are going to create the pics then I urge you, I beg you – hold on to it to see how absolutely GORGEOUS an older you looks. It’s what we need in the world.

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Neela Prabhu

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-gkzyk-d214e5

Neela Prabhu is the owner of Homeopathic Harmony, and has had a remarkable journey through mental health challenges, family dynamics and forging her own path in the world.  She is a true example of living guilt free and in this episode, she breaks it down into the steps she herself uses to keep making her own decisions and choices, and not reverting back to what others want her to do.

To contact Neela, you can go to her website:

www.homeopathicharmony.co.uk 

The Guilt of Eating Disorders – Guilt Free Friday Interview with Kerry Manning

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-d5fjz-cf2073

*Trigger warning:  This episode is an interview with a sufferer of an eating disorder.  We go through details of her particular challenges and some may find it triggering or distressing so please exercise caution when listening.  If you or someone you know struggles with the relationship with food, please look at the links below to get the help and support you need.*

 

Kerry Manning is a Membership Project Office for the charity Stonewall and also happens to be my niece.  She has always struggled with her relationship with food and I am delighted that she decided to share her story and her ongoing recovery with me.  It was a really difficult episode to make, but she hopes that by speaking about it, others will recognise the signs and get help so that it does not have the same effect on their lives.

 

We talk about a number of resources that Kerry uses to help manage her ongoing recovery.  The links are below.

BEAT – The UK’s Eating Disorder Charity:  https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Christy Hamilton – The Food Psych Podcast:  https://christyharrison.com › foodpsych

Be Nourished – https://benourished.org 

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Katie Brockhurst

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-qte5e-cc267e

One of my favourite episodes, as I get to speak with Katie Brockhurst, Social Media Angel and author of Social Media for a New Age and Social Media For A New Age: A Digital Self-Care Guide: Book 2: The next phase: 2020 and beyond and we get to talk about all things related to social media and guilt. We cover the role of social media in building a business and how to not feel pressured into using social media in certain ways, we delve into the guilt that can be used against us by social media advertising, we even talk about the role of truth and authenticity in a world of fake news.  I think Katie’s approach to social media needs to be shared far and wide and is for me a huge part of living guilt free. 

To connect with Katie, you can find her – surprise surprise – on social media:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katiekdot_socialmediaangel/ 

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/socialmediaangel

And her website: https://www.socialmediaforanewage.com 

Introduction to the Guilt Free Friday Interview Series

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-ags3q-cc2523

We all know what guilt feels like, but not necessarily how it feels in particular situations.  This interview series is designed to tackle situations and circumstances that explain how guilt plays a part and how to overcome it.  I’d like to thank all of my guests for being so open and honest, and I hope the episodes do your stories justice.

 

** If you would like to be a podcast guest and talk to me about your own experience with guilt, then please do get in touch – I’m looking for more guests for 2020!

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Sophie Eastop-Scopes

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-6yu4k-bc2b80

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt.

In this episode, virtual assistant Sophie Eastop-Scopes talks to me about her parental guilt surrounding her difficult labour and birth, the impact that had on her bonding with her son, and the way guilt has affected her life since, as a mum and as a business woman.

 

Bio
Sophie Eastop-Scopes is a Virtual Assistant and Social Media specialist; but first and foremost she is a mum to Alfie. Based in South-West London Sophie raises her son alongside her husband in Surrey; navigating the world of motherhood, guilt and work. 
For more information or to contact Sophie directly please visit: www.eastop-scopes-va.co.uk
If you would like more information on Sepsis (which can affect anyone at any age) please visit: https://sepsistrust.org/  

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews – with Shalini Bhalla-Lucas

https://www.podbean.com/media/share/pb-fbs8d-bc29e6

The Guilt Free Friday Interviews are a series of honest and inspiring conversations with those affected by guilt.

In this episode, motivational speaker and author Shalini Bhalla-Lucas tells me her story of finding her soul mate, losing and then reconnecting with her family and dealing with the grief of losing both her husband and father in the space of 18 months.  This powerful story tells us a lot about how guilt can be involved alongside many other powerful emotions.

Bio

Shalini Bhalla-Lucas is an award-winning author, entrepreneur, speaker, teacher/trainer and the founder of Just Jhoom! She is also an accredited Mindfulness and Meditation teacher – teaching people highly-effective, proven techniques to help combat stress, anxiety and depression. She is currently training to be an End of Life Doula. 

Shalini has performed all over the world and has had TV appearances on ITV’s Daybreak, Channel 4s Sunday Brunch and the BBC, as well as on numerous radio stations and podcasts. She has been featured in publications such as RED magazine, Top Sante and Dance Today, discussing physical, mental and spiritual wellbeing through dance and mindfulness. 

In January 2017, Shalini set up the Jeremy Lucas Education Fund in Kenya in memory of her beautiful, kind husband Jeremy Lucas who passed away in 2016 after a two-year battle with cancer. The Fund is currently providing scholarships for 16 Samburu children for secondary and tertiary education. 

Shalini self-published her first book “Always With You – A true story of love, loss…and hope” in July 2018. The memoir is about her personal battles with mental illness, the coping strategies she relied on to regain a positive mental state after severe depression, and the death of her husband. Shalini writes frankly about her experiences of love, bereavement, grief, depression and suicidal ideation, as well as her struggles with religion and Indian culture, and ends the book with a message of renewal, recovery and hope, and aspirations for the future. In October 2018 the book became a No 1 Amazon Bestseller. 

“Online Dating @ 40 – The Nobheads, Nutjobs & Nice Guys” Shalini’s second book, a funny and candid account of the highs and lows of online dating, was published in February 2019. It is an honest personal account of a 40-something-year-old determined to ‘live again’ following the untimely death of her beloved husband and soulmate Jeremy. 

In May 2019 Shalini was chosen from hundreds of women to be one of six inspirational women from the UK to be featured in the hair beauty company TRESemmé’s Power Your Presence Online and TV Masterclass. In the programme Shalini is featured alongside celebrity Emma Willis speaking about Being Positive, The Power of Thought and Building Resilience. 

Shalini’s third book “Happiness! Is It Simply A Mindset Shift?” will be published in the autumn of 2019. 

Shalini’s website: www.justjhoom.co.uk

Facebook and Instagram @justjhoom