Guilt is just an emotion – it is telling you that something in your world needs looking at, because it is not working in line with the kind of person you want to be.
Find out what that is, understand what you would like to do instead – and bingo, guilt gone.
That then frees you up to enjoy all of the other emotions that make life pretty marvellous.
It’s really easy to judge others for the decisions they make – and it’s super easy to judge others for who they are. Neither of which we have the right to do.
The decision to come out is a choice that is so extremely personal and can have huge amounts of guilt associated with it and yet there is never any reason to feel guilty about who you are and who you love. Perfection is the colour of the rainbow and you, my darling, are perfect.
These are rough times right now – there are lots of ways that we can be divided and sorted into groups (many not of our choosing) and it is during this time that it is easy to fall back into wanting to comply and fit in, to be part of the crowd again.
But a healthy crowd, a healthy society is never based on us all being the same – it truly is your uniqueness that the world needs right now, not your compliance.
Every time someone tries to guilt you back into your place, back into your box, it is showing that they see your power, your ability to not need their approval and so they try to force it onto you. Don’t let them. Stay in the arena with us, because there are far many unique people who want to know you than those who want you to fit in.
Have you heard this before? It is guilt trip 101 – frame the guilt as an emotion that places blame and responsibility on the person it is directed to. Why does it work? Because we fear disconnection. We fear being isolated and cast out – and people being disappointed with us hints as lack of trust, or lack of belief in us. Our need to please others and keep them happy with us makes us take action and make choices against our own self interest.
You are never a disappointment for being you.
When you have a cause that is close to your heart, you can be passionate about helping people see your point of view. Whether it is politics, society, health, wealth, animals … however worthy what you have to say is, if you wrap it in guilt-inducing, passive aggressive statements or judgments, you will not win your argument. Instead, you will alienate those whose minds you want to change.
I know how difficult it is to get the balance right and how emotionally draining it can be to care about something so much but that others seem to easily ignore – but screaming louder isn’t a good use of your energy. Make it easier and gentler for people to come along with you, which is far more successful than having them there because they feel guilty.
The most powerful thing about living guilt free is being able to control your responses to the world around you.
When you are constantly listening to others for their opinions on your life, there is a sense that you have to respond or defend yourself all of the time. This keeps you on their terms, in their corner. Don’t let them.
If someone throws an accusation at you, your instinct will be to try to defend yourself, or crack a joke or to react with something. The most powerful response you can give is to stand in your own power. accept their right to have an opinion, but accept your right to not give a damn.
“That is your opinion but I’m happy with what I am” is the most effective and powerful ways to live guilt free. The way you live your life won’t gel with everyone else’s viewpoints – but why would that matter? You have to live your life, not them.
Ah, FaceApp. You have been having a great time, getting everyone on social media to see what they will look like when they get older. I mean, at one point, literally my entire feed was everyone ‘having fun’ and being joyful of how they look.
Does this mean the end of all anti-ageing treatments, cosmetics, surgery? After all, it’s fun to see yourself getting old, isn’t it?
I happen to think it really is. So many people don’t get to be old, and yet advertisers spend a fortune with guilt trips, telling people that once they are old they are past it, no longer useful, no longer beautiful and they need products and treatments to be acceptable to the rest of us. Rubbish. You living a full, happy, purposeful life, being human and kind and generous and giving? We think you are amazing.
If you are going to create the pics then I urge you, I beg you – hold on to it to see how absolutely GORGEOUS an older you looks. It’s what we need in the world.